I’ve been having Friday morning breakdowns recently and it’s like an emotional detox before you start your weekend.
I haven’t been having weekends off for very long and I used to work nearly every day of the year, so now that I have a little bit of time off-the-clock… I really have to maximize my weekend and don’t have time to be run down and depressed and stressed.
So this morning I was driving, I woke up with the move the mountains song in my head and then none of my Christian radio stations or even country had any good music on them and were static-y. So I turned the radio off and just sat in silence and talked to God. I thought about several things going on in my life, our ministry, my marriage, our adoption, my mental, physical, and emotional health, my family, my dreams, especially and most definitely my dreams my dreams my dreams…
I just want to be free and live my dreams… As I drove, one little phrase was stuck in my head. I kept repeating, “Fix It Jesus! Fix It Jesus!” I’ve never heard this phrase in my whole life, but the other day on a horrible tragic fight video on Facebook I saw that someone had commented Fix It Jesus, and it really seemed like the only thing that could be said in response. It has been glued to my brain ever since. Fix It Jesus. Fix It Jesus. There’s so many things I need him to fix right now, and you know I’m totally aware that he is already fixing so many things. Thank you Jesus.
My dad always fixed everything when I was growing up, sometimes my mom really did too. If I broke it, they fixed it, and I always loved that when something was broken or something went wrong, you got in trouble or you broke something you really loved and treasured, you brought it to them, and they would fix it, bring it back to life, and even teach you a thing or two about fixing stuff in the process. And to this day they are still fixing things for me all the time. Sometimes things that I don’t even know are broke or need fixing, my dad will be fixing it, hes got it all fixed before I even know what broke or needs fixing.
and now I have Jake, who also fixes things, and my little children will be able to come to me or him and say “Fix it daddy” or “fix it mama”. That’s exactly how I felt this morning saying
Fix it Jesus, can you please fix it? Can you teach me how to fix it? Just fix it for me Lord, I know you can fix it.
As I was saying Fix It Jesus over and over in my head and out loud driving to work I got a song in my head, and it was the most lovely song.
It was Keep Ya Head Up by 2Pac
I was driving and blogging this vocally and I drove past a man and a little boy, he was fixing his tire and he was so sweaty and the little boy was so interested, and I just knew that kid is going to grow up someday and show somebody how to fix something.
I would love to cover and rewrite that song for my son, it just means so much to me. I started crying, tears started falling and then I also had this light bulb moment where I thought, okay, wow, I’m feeling the lyrics of this song coming from within me towards my child, but my Father, My God right now is saying these words to me.
Hes saying, my child, things are gonna get easier. You’re going to make it, I know you’re fed up.
things’ll get brighter.
Tears just started gushing it was wonderful. It was like stress was just dripping out of my eyes, it felt so good to let it all go but it also felt so good to be reminded that things are going to get easier. They always do. It seems like things keep getting harder like in the song, but also like in the song things do get easier, but things get harder at the same time.
It’s like an ocean with different waves and levels and layers, like some things do get easier, while other things get harder, and the waves are crashing down on you but then the tide is going back in…. This is the ocean of life and I’m thrilled to be a mermaid in this ocean, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m blessed to have another day to splash around, swim and try to make something of this life God has given me. Trying to do something with myself, and to BE something each and every moment of each and every day. Then one day, God has reminded me that one day, things really are going to get so much easier, because I’ll be done, I’ll be in heaven and I can rest then.
That is what I always tell myself when I’m tired, and I am excited for that day because it just seems like you keep thinking you cant live another day, you cant work another day, cant walk another step, cant take another heartbreak…
But don’t forget that with every struggle and disappointment, we are enduring, we are getting stronger. And yes God can speak through Tupac. Whether you believe it or not it’s the truth. I also had six espresso shots at work today so if none of this makes sense, it’s because I am in an espresso world…
Anytime I hear Tupac I’m reminded of some wild stories in college. I always lived with groups of random people, and anytime over the years where anything crazy was going down at the apartment with these folks, me and Nugget would jump in the cougar and head to my friends place, and crash, where he had a big Tupac poster hanging above his bed. : )
I think I could actually just spend the rest of my life telling stories. People say I am interesting and funny, and they never know what will come out of my mouth. I have tried to keep myself pretty censored so as not to offend people, but why did I go through things in life if they are to become secrets?? I think people need to hear my stories! So I have a blog, and maybe in the future I will start my podcast, and I have a youtube. Maybe my stories will get told and read and heard.
Life is just so crazy these days. Our ministry partner George had bacteremia recently. Then his wife Margret, had malaria. My son was struggling with the temperature changes in rainy season, they were causing pain because he has metal rods in his legs. Then he got malaria. A child was burned at our children’s home from a candle that fell, while we are over here trying to find money to get them some electricity. Several of the other children there got malaria. George got better. Margret got better. My son is doing great now. The child who was burned is healed. The children who had malaria are doing better now. Family members donated the full amount to provide electricity to the home. There was extra funds to start on the school roofing. We were halfway through the roofing trying to find more money so the timbers wouldn’t be ruined, and we got a surprise check in the mail. God is so good all the time and all the time He is. Just. So. Good.
We gonna make it y’all.
Thanks for reading! Hope everyone has a great end of the week and weekend! : )