I’m hanging on tight to another wild day

This song comes on the radio a few times a week while I’m driving either to or from Charlotte for both jobs. So I either hear it around 6am when I’m exhausted but haven’t started the day, but wondering how I will make it through, or after a long day of working, and feeling drained and like I lost another day to live my dreams for a few bucks.

It’s extremely difficult for me to work for money and benefits, even if it’s an okay job, when it isn’t my passion, and there are so many things I need to be doing, but also so many things I WANT to be doing.

More than anything I want more time with my family and loved ones, I want to serve and create, and I want my son. I deeply, heartwrenchingly, need to hold him after three years of not being able to see or hear him or hold him or carry him. Not when he had malaria, not before or after the countless surgeries, not when thieves were breaking in at night, not when he was bedridden, not at Christmas, not for his birthday, not at all. 3. YEARS. Well it hasn’t been 3 years but it’s been over 2 and a half.

BUT REGARDLESS it is so impossibly heartbreaking for me to feel like a caged rat. I’m a bird, a mermaid, a deer, I want to fly, swim, and run. And I hate feeling tied down for money but I am extremely grateful for my jobs and the companies I work for, I am blessed to always have so many jobs and opportunities and income streams. I am fortunate to qualify for benefits that will help me get my son. And every time I think I can’t possibly go on a second longer I get up and I keep going. GOD Is holding me up and parting the seas for me and I am happy to work as hard and as much as I can to get where he has asked me to go.

This song makes me break down in tears every time it gets to the breathe part. I relate so well during the parts where it is speeding up and referring to the “race”, I feel like I’m reminded that God really intimately knows me and every sacrifice, every emotion, every stress i encounter, and feels them deeply too. Then when it slows down I feel overwhelmed, even thinking about the song, just knowing that He wants me to lay at His feet and breathe,  and then every day, I collapse in His arms, until it is time to get back up again.

I can’t even imagine what it would be like, living life in this world and not knowing that He is calling me to lay down and breathe and rest with Him.

IF you don’t know what that is like, yall,

Please cry out to Him today. HE IS THERE. and He is longing to embrace you and give you peace while you let your weary spirit rest.

“Breathe” ♡

Alarm clock screaming bare feet hit the floor
It’s off to the races everybody out the door
I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life
Ninety miles an hour going fast as I can
Trying to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand
So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life
It’s ready, set, go it’s another wild day
When the stress is on the rise in my heart I feel you say just

Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe

Third cup of joe just to get me through the day
Want to make the most of time but I feel it slip away
I wonder if there’s something more to this crazy life
I’m busy, busy, busy, and it’s no surprise to see
That I only have time for me, me, me
There’s gotta be something more to this crazy life
I’m hanging on tight to another wild day
When it starts to fall apart in my heart I hear you say just

Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need

Is to take it in fill your lungs
The peace of God that overcomes
Just breathe
So let your weary spirit rest
Lay down what’s good and find what’s best
Just breathe

Just breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Just breathe